Zombie Sideshow

Zombie Advertising

2008-09-29T20:59:00.005-05:00

Look, this site probably produces one, solid search-engine keyword. It's the word Zombie.

I include Google advertising on this site because I want to be a billionaire. So I assumed that Google would crawl the site, find the keywords, and offer context appropriate advertising. It looks like "zombie" triggers right-wing, conservative advertising for RightOnline.com. Well, I'm going to go with it. Vote Zombie Reagan.

Zombie Harmony

2008-09-29T20:39:00.003-05:00

Zombie Harmony. It's a dating site for zombies.

I ate chicken-fried bacon at the Texas State Fair this weekend. I couldn't taste it though. I got so hot that I lost my sense of taste. I also saw a woman with the fat ankles driving around in a fat-person wheelchair. Her ankles were so fat they were sagging over her spring-heeled shoes. All of that is true.

Zombie Defense Training Gear

2008-09-14T21:39:00.004-05:00

"Here is your chance to prepare the general public for the zombie apocalypse.
There is no mark-up, all products are sold purely to inform the general public.
Do your part to prepare the world for the zombie menace!"

Maybe I'm wrong, but won't wearing this T-shirt just prepare the public to avoid you? Not that there's anything wrong with that...but I think the graphic says something like, "I chop disembodied arms with a machete. You should avoid me, because I chop disembodied arms with a machete, and that's not normal, nor safe, behavior. I may also be insane. "

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I just don't think this is gonna prepare anyone for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

Spider Jesus Saves

2008-09-14T21:12:00.006-05:00

I don't know what this is about. I think that I know that Arthur Suydam is responsible for it, but I'm not positive that I know that's what I think.

It doesn't matter though, because Spider Jesus saving a romantic zombie knows what it is.

Still, if I were Spider Jesus, I'd have a way better costume. Something with a "J" on a cross maybe. I think I'd go with a more interpretive crown of thorns - maybe a crown, but with thorns - but not a literal thorny crown. However, I would be totally cut like Jesus. I'd also know Kung-fu, and I'd have a special move called "The Savior" except instead of saving anyone, it would be a giant ball of white light that consumed your flesh. And right before I used it, I'd always say, "Jesus saves, bitch!"

Mike the Headless Chicken!

2008-09-11T09:57:00.002-05:00

63 years ago yesterday, a zombie chicken began to roam the earth. He un-lived for 18 months before finally calling it quits. His name was Mike.

The Walking Dead Half Zombie Statue

2008-09-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

This statue is based on the series The Walking Dead, by Robert Kirkman and sculpted by Clayburn Moore. I don't know anything about that series, or who those people are, but I do know that I once found a sack of rib cages while walking through rural North Texas. Seriously, a bag of tiny rib cages. Not far from that, I also found a used syringe and some bloody napkins. You can watch zombie flicks all day, but until you stumble across something that inexplicably bizarre while walking through the woods, well...I don't have a point. It was weird. That'll do.
From The CS Moore Studio. $39.99

Zombie Ammo

2008-09-10T08:00:00.004-05:00

"You'll be the target of envy when you show up at the range with your ammo in official ZA boxes!" Ah, another pun. Great job!

I guess the important thing to remember here, is that these guys are from Minnesota. Imagine being trapped in a room with a duck and a puddle of water. Now, imagine the duck is really Prince, and the water is a professional wrestler. Minnesota is cold.

I lived in Minnesota once. A rancher shot my dog Uh-oh. I also poked a porcupine with a stick. The porcupine was asking for it.

12 Gauge Shotshell, 25 rds 2 3/4" Zombie Ammo Box: $6 from ZombieAmmo.com.

Revenant - The Premiere Zombie Magazine

2008-09-10T08:00:00.003-05:00

Revenant has lots of good zombie stuff. Lots more than this blog. In fact, I would skip this blog, and go there for zombie awesomeness. They host a yearly Showcase of Undead Cinema and a Zombie Walk, presumably to raise awareness. Awareness of zombies. RevanantMagazine.com.

Resident Evil T-Virus Antidote Energy Drink

2008-09-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

The Resident Evil energy drink. MSRP: $2.95 Price, but only $2.75 From GKworld

Hey, since when does a manufacturer suggest a retail price anyway? Did some manufacturer say, "I know we just made this zombie-themed "energy" drink for you, in China, using slave-labor and dangerous levels of mercury, and you've already paid us for it, and it's none of our business, but why don't you sell it for $2.95? You could call it the Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price, or MSRP for short! Has a nice ring to it."

Phil Degrave Zombie Lounge Wacky Wobbler Bobblehead

2008-09-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

Bone-A-Fied Hipster! Ha! Puns are hilarious! No, but seriously, puns are worse than stomping on puppies. KISS stomped on puppies ALL the time back in the 70's. This is exactly why they didn't have time to write a song that didn't suck so much it collapsed reality and created an alternate, suckier Universe where Gene Simmons would eventually get a face-lift on his own reality show. I mean, how else can that be explained? Price: $10.95, from WickedCoolStuff.

The Cubes® Corporate Zombies

2008-09-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

"The mindless tedium of employment at GigantaMegaCorp has crushed their spirit and turned these once bright, flowering young go-getters into hopeless Corporate Zombies. They spend their days staring blankly at computer monitors and shuffling through the cube maze, occasionally grunting something about brains. Each set comes with four 2-3/4" tall posable plastic figures with eerie green skin that glows-in-the-dark and seven different plastic office accessories." $13.50 from Archie McPhee

Zombie Books. Know Your Enemy.

2008-09-08T13:42:00.000-05:00

Two books written by Max Brooks, the world's leading expert on zombie attacks.
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead & World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War.

Zombie T-shirts

2008-09-07T23:11:00.000-05:00

I Heart Killing Zombies
Zombie Beach Shirt
Zombie Clambake
Zombie Baseball Jersey
Zombie Food Pyramid
Corporate Zombie

Dead Fred Zombie Chaser

2008-09-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

Remote controlled zombie is powered by (2) 12-volt batteries and runs on (4) DC motors. It groans, screams, & talks with numerous sounds via digital sound and onboard amp & speaker. Includes battery charger. Approx. 48" long x 24" wide x 30" high. PLEASE NOTE: This item is a Special Order and may take 4 to 8 weeks for delivery. Please call us for availability if you need this item sooner. (www.frightcatalog.com)

I Love You More Than Zombies Love Brains

2008-09-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

This is a cream colored restaurant style ceramic bowl that has been refired to 1945 degrees with a handmade brain image and saying that are now fused into the glaze. the decal image is brown.

~~Available~~ Unavailable from www.etsy.com. Sold out.